Fair Food: Tastes So Good; Yet So Bad For You

It’s that time of year when the county fairs begin to appear all over the country, and I’m thinking of all the nurses who are on standby at fair infirmaries, just waiting for the cuts, bruises, heat stroke and gastric catastrophes to come through the door.

I’d imagine that if the artery-clogging fair food doesn’t bring on a myocardial infarction, there will at least be a need for vats of Pepto Bismol.

That was my thought at breakfast as I perused the newspaper marveling at the creativity and courage some have shown in developing carnival cuisine. Just check out this list of some of the offerings by vendors at the San Diego County fair. Someone’s been working overtime to make really unhealthy food even worse.

The Kookie Cookie grabbed my attention first. This delicacy consists of a breaded-and-fried chicken patty tucked between two jumbo oatmeal-raisin cookies and slathered with cream cheese and strawberry jam. The jury seems split on the tastiness of this creation, and the worthiness of its $7 price tag.

And who could resist deep-fried s’mores, chocolate-covered bacon (I’m oddly drawn to this one – sweet and salty – yum), and deep-fried green beans? I must confess to having tasted this last offering and I’m here to report that they are pretty darn good -- even addicting -- probably because they don’t taste like green beans.

One of this year’s new entries, which experts predict to fail, is the Zucchini Weenie. I think the name is genius, but the taste maybe not so much. Described as a hollowed-out squash stuffed with an Oscar Mayer wiener that is batter-dipped and deep-fried, the ZW has been deemed “a bland, slippery snack on a stick that no amount of the accompanying ‘lite’ ranch dressing can save.”

My guess is that the zucchini people and the hot dog people rarely travel in the same circles, and the ZW will not bring them together.)

The wisdom of fair food seems to be that if you deep fry it and/or put it on a stick, it qualifies as an offering at any event that includes Ferris wheels and hog-calling contests.

At the Iowa State Fair, you can find fried pickle-on-a-stick and hot bologna-on-a-stick. The Minnesota State Fair tempts visitors with one-third of a pound of sliced bacon, fried and caramelized with maple syrup, and served on a stick with dipping sauces.I also found praises for hash-brown potatoes molded into a ball using cheddar cheese, bacon, green onion and sour cream, then deep-fried and served – you guessed it – on a stick.

One fairgoer from the Deep South wrote about his memories of chowing down platters heaped high with breaded and deep-fried alligator, barbecued alligator ribs and fried alligator legs. His favorite stick food: alligator sausage Cajun-style. All of the aforementioned must , of course, be accompanied by pistolette -- a French roll stuffed with spicy peppers, cheese and tomatoes, and/or onion flavored hush puppies.

A fitting closure to this feast: frozen grapes and chicory coffee.

Nurses: ‘Fess up.

What’s your favorite fair food and do you still indulge?

What’s the unhealthiest fair cuisine you’ve ever seen or eaten?

Tell us about it.